Sustainable Freelancer

Finding balance in a sea of deliberate chaos

Hello and welcome!

As a person full of thoughts and personal judgements (aren’t we all?) I figured I’d give this a shot. I studied English at UCC before becoming a chef and I’ve always had a fondness for writing. So, on this journey I find myself on – looking for what feels like the elusive work/life balance – I have a bit of extra time on my hands. Previously this would have been just pub pints and head-clearing walks, but I'm on a quest for something more. So here we are.

I find myself living in and loving London, working freelance chef gigs. I didn’t intend on this avenue at all, far from it actually, but I just haven’t found the right fit for me yet. I don’t know if I will anytime soon. I’m actively searching for balance; a feat many of us search for as we become older. I don’t think my wants are unreasonable.

What do I want?

Well, I want to work less than 60 hours per week. Ideally about ten hours less than that (but you know, it’s London). If I really believed in the cause and was committed to something, I’d happily do the extra graft to get us to where we need to be. I’d also like at least seven hours between my shifts. In a lot of restaurants you’ll finish at 12.30 at night, then you’re back in for another 16 hour shift at 8AM. I mean, when I was 19/20, I didn’t care. I had no worries or commitments in the world. I wanted to work in the best places with the best chefs. I didn’t care about the hours, the conditions or the treatment. I wanted to be in there, slap bang in the middle of the big balls showing them, ‘Hey look, I can do it too!’, and you’d constantly push back and push back and fight extra hard because you’re a girl, etc. But I was happy to fight back because, if I didn’t, I was getting nowhere fast. Plus, I was good at it.

I’m only 34. But for the last 15 years, all I’ve done is work. Work, pints, work, pints, a few weekly sea swims and a few short trips thrown in for good measure. That’s it. Too tired for hobbies, too busy for relationships and a very can’t be arsed attitude to most things because I’m so wrecked from work. Not so different from a lot of people I’d imagine, especially in hospitality, and, yeah, life is what you make it. But I’m not the most enthusiastic at the best of times, so that was what I made out of those years. Do I regret it? My liver probably does, but you know, c’est la vie. In saying that, it’s taken its toll. Now my priorities have changed.

I have other factors in my life that I didn’t have 15 years ago. Mainly my health – both physical and mental – and it’s been difficult to find a role where I can find job satisfaction and balance. London has a cut-throat work ethic. Yes, I do realise that this city is probably one of the most difficult to find what I’m looking for, but, if you know me, you you’ll know that I’m more stubborn than naive. So this is why I’m currently working freelance. I can choose the days I want to work and, with my CV, it’s a good hourly wage. There’s not much job satisfaction yet, but I never imagined trying to achieve what I’m trying to achieve to be easy and straightforward. What it does give me is a fast-track into the world of networking; meeting people, working in different styles of kitchens, pop-ups, covering Head’s and Sous’s for holidays and staff shortages. There’s a niche for this type of work and I’m hoping to carve out one that will eventually develop into something more fulfilling.

London is a web of delicious food, but that popular buzz word – sustainability – is genuinely ingrained in me. It’s how I want to work. Not just from the food aspect, but from a lifestyle aspect too. I’ve absolutely no interest in working myself into the ground, or working 70-hour weeks. For what? To better myself? Does working like that anymore make me a better chef? Unlikely. I’ve done it and, to be honest, I’m just not arsed working like that now. There shouldn’t be any shame in that. After working like that for 15 years, I can tell you two things it doesn’t better: my mental health and my knees. It’s okay to not want to destroy yourself for the sake of this industry if you feel you’re not getting anything out of it. It’s okay if it makes you feel a bit of shame or failure. Whatever. You’ll get over it.

So, I’ll continue to work freelance for now and not commit to anything (except to a fine Londoner and a seal-like Staffie) until I find, or, most likely, open something myself that resonates with the ethos that I’ve learned to love. Or just leave and become a Chiropractor. Either/or.

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